Recently, I was lamenting to my friend about a situation when she pointed out that I was becoming too emotionally detached and I should consider dating again. I did consider it, and nooooooope.
However, this gave me reason to reflect on my experience being single for the past two years and how it has affected me.
Haha. The holy grail of singledom. I have to admit, this single most touted benefit is barely as glamorous.
What you get instead of constant sex is sexual freedom — the ability to lust and flirt and chase without any moral restrictions. I honestly haven’t done much chasing in this time though; I am so so far from the Charlie Harper stereotype.
For someone not looking to be committal at all, I’m supposed to be chasing strictly sexual arrangements. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have enough sexual confidence to get into people’s DMs asking to shift their wombs. To worsen this, I’ve gotten tired of wooing people, and going through the necessary evil of convincing women I’m a little less shitty.
I also avoid being rejected by people like a plague, and so I would never walk up to a stranger to crack a joke about her falling from heaven. As far as sexual partners (you can see how I’ve played myself), this has left me with the low hanging fruits — brave admirers on the internet and friends I’ve known for a while.
Within this cross-section of women, I’ve lolluxed and kpanshed occasionally, ranging from great weed-high sex to laughable nut-in-the-time-it-takes-to-proofread-a-tweet sex. Ultimately, being single has fucked with my sexual confidence, something I can only regain with constant sex, which honestly won’t happen till I’m dating again.
Here’s the thing — I think I might be a lot more frugal when I’m in a relationship because my girlfriends don’t understand why I have to be so stupid with money. They step in with side glances to get me to put my wallet back in every now and again, and that sounds like a money saving strategy.
However, I’ve also been known to spend obscenely on my girls. The most expensive date I’ve gone on as a single guy cost about 60k naira. If I had a babe, I’d do those dates every time she had a bad day at work which, in Nigeria, can be pretty much every other day. In the long run, check and balance.
PS: I realize I’ve never dated a rich babe sha, so my expectations for spending with a girlfriend might be based on the incorrect assumption that I’ll be picking up the bill frequently.
If there was ever anyone that should come in between me and dating again, it should be Paystack.
The absence of emotional responsibility has resulted in me producing the best work of my life in record time. I literally have all twenty four hours of most days to myself, and I work odd hours and only take breaks to party, travel, and well, to sleep.
Does this mean I’d be less productive with a girlfriend? Probably, but also maybe not to an alarming degree. I mean, Timi and Ire ship just as much shit as me (if not more) and they’re in a full-time (yes, there’s a difference) relationship.
Looking back though, I can ascribe a lot of my work ethic / work-life balance to living a completely selfish life. I also acknowledge this is definitely not the only way to achieve that.
I’ve grown an insane amount of self consciousness in the past few years. Being by myself a lot has helped me quickly self reflect, self evaluate and self correct. Gone are the days when I would do a shitty thing and not realize it. Also gone is my long suffering non-communicativeness — the one that usually leads to malice and vexing over trivial things.
I’m way less prone to apologize without figuring out what I did wrong and how not to do it again. I’m not sure whether this is just a function of growing up, but I’m way better with dealing with people, because I have more reason to use logic rather in situations where I’d emote and misbehave.
The downside in my character however is that I’ve gotten so detached. Living for myself alone has made me so selfish and non-chalant to people other than my immediate friends and family. I know I have to get better at this — keeping in touch and sending warm messages.
This entire holiday period I haven’t felt the need to reach out to anyone to say hi. Even if I force myself to, it sucks that it has now become unnatural.
I’m the most accomplished fifth wheel I know. Tens of dates under my belt, and plenty of time spent cracking jokes so the couples can quit their private meetings in the middle of the club.
Third wheeling has never been a problem, and I even like it sometimes. However, I only have to occasionally do that. Most of my adventures as a pringle have been solo or with one friend — this year that person was Jubril.
While I’d love to travel with someone I’m romantically engaged with (for the foreign nacks), travelling alone with full creative license has been a freaking vibe. I think the absence of a girlfriend (at least a conservative one like I’ve mostly had) allowed me venture into the world without a thought.
Finally, being single has helped me share more. Without someone dedicated to sharing issues and excitement with, I’ve pretty much poured myself to the internet.
About that, I’m still not sure. That’s a plus, right?