I’ve spent the last few months setting guidelines for myself, and ensuring that I do not become a casualty of society. I filtered through all my wants and needs and effectively convinced myself that I didn’t need most of them. I decided to take life easy and avoid stress as much as possible. I set strict guidelines on not borrowing; a mantra to not do shit I can’t afford. I trained myself to be satisfied truly with what I had.
No, these things weren’t bullshit. To think that I had trained myself to be a better human than most though, was bullshit. The idea that I had gotten to a point of mental maturity where I could think like an individual rather than a social animal that needed to fit in this jigsaw of a life was all a lie. I lied to myself, and am once again trying to correct it.
I spent the last month or so paying agents and buying petrol into my car for inspections while I searched for an apartment. This apartment was for my friend Timi and I, and the total we had in the bank was 400k, plus an extra 100k I could spend. In the end, I ended up with an apartment that cost 728k — 300k borrowed money. In just the first month, I had broken all these rules I thought I set.
I started looking up Pinterest, Apartment Therapy, Houzz for minimalist apartments. How could I get the apartment to look good having burned through so much cash already? I started thinking out of line again, looking to dig some more into personal cash.
It took a few friends to get me to step back and think. Yeah, the apartment should look good but I should always work within budget. It wasn’t the apartment that needed a minimalist treatment, it was my thinking. I sat down to remind myself of how much I already owe, and how that should be priority right after the basic stuff. I mean who thinks about bedside lamps when there’s no bed yet.
So I’m going to try again. Try to remind myself to live within budget. Try to remind myself that experiences are more important than all the material stuff. The apartment will be fine eventually. For now, it just has to be habitable.