Sometimes, it’s tempting to think I’m a sad person. But I’m not.
Most of the time, I’m just chill. I’m thinking about work. Or planning something. Neither here nor there. And very often in fact I’m happy. When I figure something out. When I write. When I’m listening to music. When I learn something new. When I’m around people.
Thing is, happy feelings fade quickly, but not sadness. When there’s a new problem at work, when someone I care about is unhappy, when I scroll through a piling dish of angry words and baseless arguments, when I read the news, when I browse the fantastic lives of friends and strangers, sometimes I feel sad. And then I dwell in it. I lay in the muddle and writhe.
But it’s not that I’m a sad person, I just feel sadness the most. And feeling sad seems to make me want to feel more sad.
But I can control it. I can play high tempo music. I can go for a walk. I can talk to someone. I can close the fucking app and find something else to do. It’s okay to feel sad, but I have to remember not to feed the monster.