What is worse than dissatisfaction?

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Screenshot from Limbo, a puzzle-platform video game by Playdead

The first step to being a happier person involved understanding myself — my moods and my proclivities. Understanding my triggers and habits, and working around them has really helped me be more in control. It’s a really cool state of self consciousness.

I know I’m restless. I know every now and again I get bored, no matter how good things are and I need to be excited about something new. It doesn’t surprise me anymore, and I made a name for it: limbo. So far, I’ve worked out my options to get out of this: travel somewhere, start a new project or finish an existing one, pick up a new skill, do something unusual, get out of the house more, etc.

Sometimes, I even get lucky and I find a new person to like. Not a lot of my infatuations are about this, but it does happen that a temporary obsession with someone picks me up from limbo.

Currently, I’m trying to get out of one and my game plan is:

  1. Write this article

I just rinse and repeat, till I feel bubbly again. I have to admit though, it’s never just as straightforward all the time.

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The pursuit of happyness

While I seem to have my “getting out of limbo” down to an exact sport, I realize the luxury of being able to do something about it, because, you know, nothing’s really wrong with me that I can’t control. Which brings me to the question from the title — what is worse than dissatisfaction?

Helplessness.

I’ve had conversations with friends over the past week who are unhappy in situations they can’t just make disappear. I decided to include this part just in case somebody reads this. I don’t write about how I feel because I want to be a therapist or thought leader 😂. More often than not, I write because it actually helps me. Sometimes, writing is my way of talking to my friends. I overshare because it helps me.

When I have to wade through limbo for a while, I look for the bursts of happiness; the little things that make me happy, and day to day I take some time out to enjoy something. I allow myself to reach out to people, as against doing what I really feel like — withdrawing. Sometimes, I have to be as drastic as staying high for an entire day, but I make sure to look for a crack in the sadness.

Crippling fear, uncertainty, confusion, will always come on and off — even the occasional random thought to end everything — whether you immediately dismiss it (and start praying lol), or entertain it and seek help. I don’t have one friend that hasn’t at some point just been floating through the motions.

More often than not, the clouds will clear. You’ll get a job, or find a way to keep your business alive. Maybe you’ll have to end your business, but then you’ll get a job. You’ll get your own place, and travel like you want to. Your exams will come, and then go. You’ll find a way to live with the loss. Maybe things will get really bad, but I bet you’ll wade out.

I hope you find the cracks in your sadness.

At the end of the day, limbo come, limbo go.

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