It often feels like I’m controlling my life and it’s happening to me at the same time. I guess beauty is in finding the balance.
This year, I picked up F1 and tennis, went to book clubs, moisturized 10x, learned to sit better in public, got a little better at mixing drinks, bought a new car—that was all me. But dealing with the status and inferiority complex from blending into a social class—that was life.
When I look at all the things I picked up this year, I can’t tell if I chose those things because my social class changed, or if I chose them to change my social class. Either way, the people I spent most of my time with this year come from much wealthier families than those I grew up with.
Picking up new sports, going to Ikoyi book clubs, learning how to cross my legs when I sit or how to properly blow my nose in public may have well been me just trying to catch up to the people I now find myself around. But let’s just say my interests have changed.
I bought a luxury sports car this year, and I did it was because I wanted a nice looking, fast, comfortable car. I wished for it and somehow the stars aligned and I could afford to buy it, so I did.
Although there was no change in my income (actually, I struggled to balance my finances for six months after), owning the car made me a “rich guy”. And that was it. For the first time ever, I was confronted with being a “successful person” everywhere.
There’s the inability to be invisible on the road, the chants of oga every time you park, the weirdness of greeting people from inside your car because you can feel them shrink, the places you don’t want to drive to because of stares, the people who are willing (or afraid) to talk to you because, from a distance, you look like you came from wealth.
I like to pretend that I don’t care, but I’m so conscious of class. I hate it and I’m working to fix it, but I often find myself evaluating my position in the hierarchy of people when I’m in a crowd. Like, do I belong here?
Recently, at a party, I walked in, realized how cool everyone looked, and froze. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone and so I sat in a corner all by myself. Thankfully, I was high, so I chalked it up to that. But that was a genuinely weird experience for me.
I try not to take class too seriously, but I’m also very conscious of how I react to it. Going through this year made it more important that I perform class consciously. I want to know what I appear to be and, as much as possible, reconcile it with who I am.
This year, I moved up something and I felt it.